Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Ikyo's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, December 16th, 2006
1:10 am	Ich brauche ein Layout und sollte in dieses LJ mehr Zeit investieren. Wenn jemand meinen Namen anklickt, weil ich vllt IRGENDEINE Interesse mit ihm teile, und er/sie sieht dann dieses LJ XD der Mensch dreht doch gleich auf der Ferse wieder um und geht XDD Wie soll man da Interessenspartner kennenlernen LOLz Mal sehen ob ich kayuuko dazu versklaven kann °_° bis dahin....wer mich kennenlernen will, die plattform wo ich mehr rumkreise ist Animexx http://animexx.onlinewelten.com/mitglieder/steckbrief.php?id=9021 °_° // I need a layout, and I should invest more time to LJ. If anybody would ever be interested to me, because we have the same hobbies, he/she would go to this page and would see something that makes him step back and immediatly run away LOLz How should I ever met some people here with such an ugly LJ XD Maybe I can make kayuuko my slave to do some layout for me. I am a real friend °_° (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 14th, 2006
9:00 pm	Boah ne Leute ich bin vielleicht verschossen LOL (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
11:44 pm	...... Entdeckung des Tages 1.80 m Wie soll ich da standhaft bleiben? Jetzt bin ich nur noch kleiner -.-" (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 9th, 2006
6:44 pm	Ich schwärme. (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 7th, 2006
12:15 pm	Irgendwie zerbröckelt grad alles um mich herum. Paare trennen sich, eine enge Freundin .... nein wahnsinnig wichtiger MENSCH in meinem Leben, wendet sich irgendwie ab, für etwas für das ich nichts kann, leuten geht es schlecht die ich gern habe, mein Leben wird umgekrempelt. ich bin an einem Punkt angelangt wo ich beginne mal wieder Teile von mir abzuschalten, weils einfach besser geht dann. Klick. Okay. Shit happens. Ich geh mit Mauer weiter. Wenn man sich keine Mauer um sich selbst errichtet VERRECKT man in dieser Welt. So einfach ist die verdammte Realität. Ich bin grad so wütend auf einiges in meinem Leben dass ich richtig starr werde vor Zorn. Aber kennt ihr das, wenn Zorn nicht einfach nur Zorn bleibt, sondern diesen Beigeschmack von Resignation hat, und diese Note von Müdikeit und Traurigkeit. Es vereint sich alles zu einem verdammten Brei durch den man schwerfällig watet. Es ist wie kaltes Wasser, irgendwann beginnt der Körper taub zu werden. Am Anfang schmerzt aber dann wird alles weich und taub und es ist gar nicht mehr so schlimm zu erfrieren. Alles Scheisse. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 6th, 2006
11:28 am	Es ist komisch. Ich bin momentan zweierlei Person. Die eine Seite schreit und weint wenn ich ein Foto von ihr sehe. Es ist wie Selbstzerfleischung, ich sehe mir ihre Bilder an udn versuche mir ganz fest ihre Nähe zu geben. Ihre Wärme, ihr hände, ihre fröhliche Stimme, ihren Geruch, ihre haare....... ganz fets. und wenn mir schlecht ist vor Schmerz denke ich daran dass es nicht mehr die Person von früher ist. Warum hast du dich so verändert? Wenn ich dich ansehe bist du mir so fremd geworden. auch wenn ich alles an dir auswendig kenne, wenn ich alles weiss, so bist du mir dennoch fremd. Ich wollte dich nie hergeben, ich weiss nicht wie es so kommen konnte. Wenn ich beten könnte würde ich beten dass du deinen Weg zu mir zurück findest. Richtig und entgültig. Aber solange du nicht bei mir bist können wir auch nicht zusammen sein. Solange du mir fremd bist darf ich dich nicht mehr kennen. Plötzlich ist alles was ich über dich weiss so nebelig,ich kann nichts erfassen, obwohl mein Kopf mir sagt wie es ist. Es tut so weh mir vorzustellen jemand anderer darf das alles wissen, jemand anderer darf dich greifen wie ich es immer getan habe, jemand anderer wird dir einmal wirklich Glück bringen und dir alles erfühlen und geben wie du es willst. Das jemand anderer dich als sein Geheimniss hat und ich nur der Mensch von früher bin denn du nicht mehr kennst, der dir fremd geworden ist. Eine Erinneurng, nichts besonderes mehr ....das ist es was ich sein werde... Wieso beschwer ich mich? ich habe den schritt getan. Und dennoch zerreisst es mich auf eine unglaubliche stille Art und Weise. Ein dumpfer Schmerz..... ich muss nicht weinen, und es behindert auch meinen Alltag nicht, aber dennoch, wenn ich daran denke ist es.......... einfach da. Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Wieso bist du mir so fremd geworden? Verdammt. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 5th, 2006
7:39 pm	ich fühle mich schrecklich. Wisst ihr......... ich bin nicht schuld.......daran.. sie aber auch nciht. Sie kann nun mal nichts dafür. ich habe mich getrennt, auch wenn ich ned shculd bin (weil wie gsagt es gibt kein"schuld sein" in dem fall) und jetzt tut es weh. mh es tut weh dass ich ihr wahrscheinlich weh getan habe. .... ich will ihr nciht weh tun, niemals. es ists chwer. und es fühlt sich sletsam an. ich sag immer noch "meine freundin" wenn ich von ihr rede. ich komme nie von ihr los. vielleicht gut, vielleicht schlecht so. ich hab sie immer noch sehr gerne und will dass es ihr auch gut geht. der eintrag bringt nicht viel.... er ist recht leer,aber ich musst es los werden. der gedanke ihr weh getan zu haben zerreisst mich schier. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
10:53 pm	Ich hab den Schritt getan. ICH. Es tut weh. ich hab gar keine lust sie zu verlieren.........wirklich nicht. aber ich kann nicht mehr.............so. Ich will sie Ganz oder Gar nicht. Ein Mittelding gibt es nicht, darf es nicht geben. Es musste wohl so sein. Ich würde sie wohl wieder zurück nehmen. Aber nicht bevor sie nicht sicher ist. Bis dahin ist es für mich aus. Ich habe heute Schluss gemacht. Ich bin froh dass wir nciht in Wut auseinander gingen, denn nichts tut mir mehr weh als dass sie mich hasst oder wütend auf mich ist. Ich will sie nicht verlieren aber wär es gut gewesen wenn ich nicht glückllich gewesen wäre und ihr was vorgelogen hätte? Ich vermiss sie jetzt schon. Aber ich muss durch. Diese Türe schliesst sich für mich wohl nie ganz. Current Mood: depressed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 26th, 2006
12:10 am	.......... Ich will Liebe. richtige...unumstössliche Liebe. Liebe auf die ich vertrauen kann und wo ich nicht jeden verdammten tag aufwache und schon darauf WARTE dass heute wieder irgendwas ist. ich will LIEBE verdammt ich will einen Partner der mich nicht immer mit zweifel aufwachen lässt....... Ich will LIEBE herrgott noch einmal. Zweifel können so zermürbend und abtötend sien und ich merke wie mein Glaube und mein Wille in winzigkörnigen Staub zermahlen wird. Ich brauche was zum festhalten..... RICHTIGE LIEBE! Etwas wo ich mir SICHER sein kann und das nicht der Launen meines Partners entspricht. Liebe die auch da ist wenn mein Partner oder ich mal eine Scheisszeit haben. Wenigstens SICHERHEIT.....SICHERHEIT! Gott wie ich mich nach SICHERHEIT SEHNE! (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 23rd, 2006
1:35 pm	Entscheidung ich bin bald davor mich von meiner Freundin zu trennen Oo Mir wirds zu blöd- Aber ich hab noch keinen Mut. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 17th, 2006
6:11 pm	HAR!!!!!!! I go insane... O_O Everybody is in f***Kassel!!!!!!! I want to be there as well... ;_; I´m so lonely.... I have so much to do for school, but I sit here, doing nothing and hating myself because I do nothing.... Wow Oo I really go insane.... I want to draw Hidan on and on...But I can´t because the thought about school stops me....and working for school is stopped by the thought of drawing... RAH!!!!!! I watch my clock second for second, waiting for kayuuko or faylin..But both are at Conichi..... And it is unfair to write about it as if they were guilty for my situation -.- I hope my lovelies have much fun in germany ............ And I suffer every minute.....rrhh... Okay sorry, this is going to be very childish and stupid >_> (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 11th, 2006
10:02 am	German Fanfiction Hello my dear XD This time, I post a german story of mine, I never was able to post at the german webside "Animexx" I do hate it already, and stopped uploading there, because there are several problems uploading things. Animexx isn´t very tolerant I guess, and they often have technical problems. The story I wrote is a short text about Deidara and his experiance after Sasoris death. I tried to make Deidara like he is in Kishimotos Manga, but paired with some shonen-ai hints. Maybe you like it, my best friend kayuuko cried when she read it. ^^ Unfortunatly it´s only in german written but maybe some times kayuuko is going to translate it (GO ON BABY, YOU WANNA BECOME A INTERPRETOR!) ( Und was bleibt... ) (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
10:33 pm	First step Finally I´ve got my first apple-compatible GT *_* I´m so proud of it, it´s so beautiful *_* I hope I will get worth soon. I tried it out with an old scatch I did. It´s nothing special now, but I´m kinda proud. My first Wacoom-babie LOL I didn´t finished it because, stupidly as I am, I did only save a jpeg, not a psd with layers -.- What ever, XDDD I´m going to make some others soon *_* I have to train! thank you for watching ^.^ Current Mood: creative (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 2nd, 2006
1:17 am	Sasori Photoshooting Did I ever mention that I really love this guy? Sasori.... he IS dangerous. Because of his beauty and his SICK mind..... He has so many interesting sides, I just can´t stop read the chapters with him. So that´s the reason why I wanted a photoshoot with me cosplaying him. It wasn´t difficult, I coloured my hair and used my red contact lenses. Than I borrowed the Akatsuki coat from kayuuko, who also photographed me. But she had a lot of fun XD Later I edited it a bit in photoshop.07 So here some pictures, if you like it, I will upload some more soon. ^^ My Favourite Ps: The line around my neck is a cord ^^ (4 Comments |Comment on this)
12:07 am	How to become a GOOOOOOD Boy LOL (Making of Tobis mask) Hello there ^^ Today I trie to explain how I did the mask ob Tobi. Hope anybody is interested in it. Other ways it´s a good reason to train my LJ-abilities LOL Many pictures. PLEASE NEVERMIND MY POOR ENGLISH! I TRY MY VERY BEST ;_; Here we go. After a 5-minute-idea to cosplay Tobi at the convention the next week, I had to make his mask of course. It took me more time than I ever thought. Nearly 24 hours. To much for that little piece. First of all I had to geht some form to work on it. I bought a GypsumMask for that reason. For getting the form of Tobis mask, I had to prepare it a little. I used pets of cotton wool and foil to stuff it. After that I used gypsum to make a new underground for the mask. Than I´ve drawn some lines I worked on later. Kind of draft. Next step: I used Pappmaché (.... SORRY I don´t know the english expression. You know, that stuff made from paper, water and glue... ;_;) to make a Layer on that form I did before. The lines were worked out with pieces of wood. You can use an old pen of course. After two days, I only made a rubberband into the mask and later I gave it colours through airbrush, and there it was.... ^^ here at the convention with my best friedn kayuuko as my beloved Deidara-senpai XD It was so horrible to wear this mask. I have to work on a plan to be able to breath ;_; It was so hot, I didn´t see anythink (btw THANK YOU MY DEAR FPR GUIDING ME ;_;) and I had to scream if anybody wanted to talk to me ;_; Hope you like it a bit. Next time I post the making of her wig XD Or wigs in general. PS: kayuuko I KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO KILL ME AFTER THAT ENTRY BECAUSE MY ENGLISH SUCKS SO MUCH ;_; I´M SORRY SENPAI (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
8:19 pm	Was ist schwieriger? Die ganze bisherige Existenz für den Partner aufgeben? Oder den Lebenstraum für den Partner aufgeben? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Es gibt einen Satz, den eine Freundin von mir gesagt hat, der mir nicht mehr aus dem Kopf will: "Es gibt Leute die passen zusammen. Und es gibt Leute die gehören zusammen." Diese Aussage ist wahnsinnig wahr. Current Mood: depressed (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 6th, 2006
2:30 pm	Last weeks, short~ So now it´s over. Animagic 2006. I finally found the willpower to write about it. So many things happened. So less things were good. I spent 500 Euro in my Sasori-cosplay. Only god knows how I did that. It looks so bad after all the weeks of hard work and tears. I hate it and never want to wear it again. Why did I spend all my time and money into it. I could have made so much better things with it. Now I have to work rest of my holidaya to pay everthing back. For a cosplay I so much hate that I only want to destroy it. I also spoiled the cosplays of two of my friends. Kayuuko and Faylin. We planed to make the whole Akatsuki-gang. We had a very nice Hidan, a good Zetsu (*_*) and a Tobi too. Itachi and Kisame were our all-time-bishonen-masters Tj_Kitsune and Karasu. Kayuuko should have been Deidara and Faylin spent much money into her Kazekage-Cosplay, which really became interesting and good. But without me, the didn´t want to cosplay those. When I finally finished my Cosplay, which I worked for even during the Animagic-time (always went home early to finish it) I simply hated it. First of all I forgot an important piece of it and had to go on train to take it. My girlfriend and I spent 4 hours only to get ot..... Than I used the cosplay and looked like the most stupid thing ever. I went to animagic, where the official part was over..... So my girlfriend lost a whole Animagic-day just because of my forgetfulness......than I spoiled the plan of Faylin and Kayuuko (who had a nearly completly destroyed Deidara-wig with her... I spent more than 4 hours to style it and than it looked like that...) Both of them weren´t able to cosplay just because of me. The rest of the week...... Best time was bevor Animagic when I stayed with Faylin. We had fun. Really we had. It was stress because of my behated cosplay but we actually had fun. During Animagic The only good day was saturday, when me and my gildfriend cosplayed Kakashi and Iruka. Our all-time favourite cosplays. Comfortable and everybody loved us (XDD nearly) We had a little fanclub. That was so much fun *_* Friday I did Akatsuki-leader. Just for fun. Crack. Faylin took some good pictures with me and kayuuko as Konoha-Itachi.....But somehow the pictures got lost...... Yeah. After Animagic my sweet Animay and I simply traveled a lot and without sense. We only spent to much money for tickets. I never was so happy to get home again.... It´s sad but I didn´t cry when Animagic ended. I always do after a convention, because the feeling I miss after it. But there was no feeling at all. I don´t know why. Maybe the new location. Something was missing. I don´t want to make Bonn guilty for everything. Maybe it is connected on the "first-big-convention"-feeling last year. And I wanted to feel that again, but it was impossible. Maybe it was my fucking Cosplay I always thought about. It´s just like "there wasn´t an Animagic" It was just........anything. ~~~~~~~~ At time I finish my Jiraiya-cosplay. I hope it will give me some good feeling back. ~~~~~~~~ It´s so difficult. Imagine: Your gilfriend studies japanologie...She wants to go to japan one day, and spend the rest of her life teaching German there. Okay. YOU know you CANNOT go with her. Because you cannot go away from family and all you know.... People.....life-style....everthing. And know imagine your love doesn´t stay the stress with her mum at home anymore. She wants to get out there, what means that she has to spend all of her remaining money, which she wanted to spend in Japan, in her flat........ And YOU have to support her, for not giving up her biggest dream. To go to Japan. 4ever. I have to support her, even if I know I will lose her. 4 ever. I have to give her all my positiv thoughts to make her clear: Go on, it´s your dream. You can´t live without it. I hate that feeling. ~~~~~~~~ Finally I have some time to draw again....But I´m still to tired to do anything. Whenever I sit in a train I fall asleep. No matter how much I slept the last night, I´m only tired. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 6th, 2006
1:53 am	Dane Cook GUYS! It´s late I know. I´m nearly up to sleep on my computer but I still have the power to laugh so laud I can with a sleeping younger brother next to my room, and walls like paper... I´m so tired but I keep laughing into myself, shaking an writing with my ears senseless messages to my chatpartners. Yeah Baby... DANE COOK ROCKs THE WORLD!!!!!! GUYS watch him. Search for him! He is a genius! (Comment on this)
Monday, July 3rd, 2006
12:51 am	I´m alive.. Okay... it´s late, my english defintly is like a cat, eating its own hair and vomiting on the floor..Just like: Bwah.... Can´t....do.... that.....the.....right...way.. But It´s about time writing something in this LJ. I wanted to wait until my best friends helps me with some kind ob layout. This .....thing....of some kind of.......let me say LAYOUT hurts my eyes....But what ever it is time. NOW. I would laugh, if I would say "Some things chanced a bit" .. For example? Within my last entry (two years ago!!) I wrote how much I hated "Naruto" .. Uhm.. Let my say: WRONG... Two years later that story isn´t anymore some nice manga to read, but a very strong feeling of life. I even have a tattoo these days, which makes me believe in my obsession, day by day. Living Naruto is some kind of: Go your way, sometimes you will meet yourself and have to punch your face as hard as you can, but it´s only to understand, and to get the will power for being what you are. I´m not sure if I talk nonsense for you, it´s hard to explain something in english when you even can´t say it in your own mothertounge. At time I´m happy. There´s just nothing I can´t go through. I had some very very hard times left behind, but I´m still here, watching days go by and loving second by second of my life. I´m addicted to new things, that makes my day interesting from morning to evening. One of my Obsession (and the newest, btw) is Akastuki, I can hear people turning around, but I cannot denial it. Those people are just to creepy to not having any feelings for them. My girlfriend, for example, does hate them. But it´s a strong feeling, isn´t it` My personal favourites are Sasori and.....TADA kisame. What ever, you can be scared if you wake up, noticing that you dreamed of a blue guy standing beside you and watching you with those.....ugly fisheyes. And you notic even the second after that you LIKED it. Isn´t it strange? Sasori is the preetiest guy in whole akatsuki and.....excuse me...Kisame´s just not a bishi.... I have no clue why I do like him so much but.....what ever.... >_> Maybe I lost my gold fish when I was a child, and now compensate this lost... Sasori´s just creepy. And preety. The best mixture that can exist. But I think also that Zetsu, who has this very good looking none-feeling-face(s?) is some kind of...very interesting. I hope he will get some action soon. And Deidara is my favourite-uke. No doubt. Hidan...... wow. He would make me so crazy but isn´t he a masterpiece at all? Ass-kicking and so stubborn. He drives his partner crazy soon, wouldn´t be surpised if the would kill each other. I don´t like Dracoish people, but he has that special thing in his face... yeah and his weapon......Nice-cosplay-guy. Hot. Itachi.No words. Everybody who knows me does know my "relationship" (*spontaneously falls on the floor and laughing her ass off*) with him XD What´s about my other obsessions? Kakashi Iruka? My OTP. What happened to them? At moment they sleep. Together of course... But they sleep. I have to wake my obsession up again, but I have no time for another....So maybe after finishing my cosplays. BTW I had a great weekend with my love. That´s why I end my two-years silence and say HELLO again, to all who wants to read this crap XD Current Mood: busy Current Music: Silence of the Night.......NOTHING XD (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
5:46 pm	Website Also ich bin grade draufgekommen ich sollte mir jetzt echt eine Homepage zulegen.. oder etwa nicht? Ich hab soviel zeichnung und Werke zuhause rumkugeln... Vielleicht werf ich mich mal auf Angel und bedränge sie mit meiner Körperwucht so lange bs sie mir eine macht *lol* Ich find ihre Layouts echt gelungen (ausser das letzte XD) Ihr Blog : http://www.ice-demon.net/blog/ Wenn ihr auf ihre Seiten, da finden sich jenuch XD Auch gut find ich akui_kun ´s Sites ^^ Obwohl ich momentan nur eine Adresse hab XD: http://sley.kirito.net/ ^__^ (2 Comments |Comment on this)